Sometimes He Whispers

We all know people who, when we compare our life circumstances to theirs, we are instantly humbled.  I have friends who have tragically lost loved ones, their homes, and their health… I know of others who have suffered inconceivable loss and yet, somehow, manage to get out of bed each morning and take on the day.  It makes you wonder how they have the stamina to carry on.  

It’s hard to know what to say, isn’t it?  The words that come to our lips are the same ones we struggle sometimes to believe.  “Rejection is protection,” and “God has a purpose for this” come so easily to us but do little to fully soothe what hurts.  At times, I wonder in my yearning to be a compassionate friend, if I am doing more harm than good.  I want desperately to help, yet I know how woefully inadequate and empty such words sound to a breaking heart.

We wear our inadequacies on our sleeves, and we feel completely inept when all we want is for someone to know that we are with them.

I think the hardest thing we can ever attempt to answer, is the very thing we are simply not equipped to do.  Why, do bad things happen.  Why does illness take those we love.  Why do parents sometimes bury a child.  Why do people turn away and leave us…. Why, when we have done all we know how to do, do things still not work out as we hoped. 

I think because we cannot possibly have an answer that adequately addresses the why’s in our lives, we give in to apathy.  We give up.  We stray and think that life is random and therefore we might as well enjoy it and not bother ourselves with faith.

All I know for sure, is that good and evil coexist.  Bad things do happen to good people.  We scan the horizon, wanting to see God coming to rescue us like a knight in shining armor when all hell breaks loose.  We expect to see Him.  We want the faith that we have relied upon to culminate into a flash of Divine parting of the Red Sea so that we have an escape from our trauma.

And when it doesn’t happen, we feel alone and devastated.

In 1 Kings, when Elijah was running, defeated by fear, he hid in a cave and licked his wounds.  It is said that a great and powerful wind came and shattered mountains and rocks before him.  Then came an earthquake, and after that, a fire.  This is not unlike what events feel like when they come to our own lives and wreck havoc.  And, it says, the Lord was not in them.  

After the fire, came a whisper.  The Lord spoke to Elijah and told him what to do.

I know we wish we could understand the why’s.  But we can’t.  We can only know that in the earthquakes of our lives, we will survive and that somehow in the stillness of the aftermath, as we are picking up the pieces of what is left, He will whisper to us too. 

Sometimes the whisper is a friend who doesn’t have all the right words but the heart and compassion to stand with you.  Sometimes, it is in a quiet blessing that comes to you miraculously through the mail, a neighbor, a loved one who senses your need and answers it with unexpected provision or kindness.

Sometimes it just comes whispered in your sleep that He is working it out, to be patient, to wait on Him.

I wish that there was a handbook, a YouTube, an app that helped us navigate troubling times.  I wish that there was a program that we could listen to that would coach us how to speak to others who desperately need an encouraging word when all hell comes against us.  I wish we could know how to fix it when someone we love is facing impossible circumstances.

These are when we need to listen for the whisper that says “Be still and know that I am God.”  He is never in the destruction; He is with us as we go through it.  He makes the impossible bearable.  He brings life back to the most devastated places.  He is always in the restoration of our brokenness. 

We will never be able to answer why… We are only asked to point to Who — Who holds the promise to never leave us nor forsake us.  Who promises that if we love Him, trust Him, seek Him, that He will work all things together for our good.  Somehow, someway… He will.

The greatest things we can do for others when words fail us, is pray for them.  Stand with them.  Be the compassionate hands and feet of Christ in ministering to their needs as we are able.  Be a candle in the darkness of their situation by simply loving them.

Can you hear the whisper?  He will tell you what to do.

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Bridges

Do you recall the nursery rhyme, “London Bridge” which we sang gleefully as children holding on to hands and circling around until the key phase culminated into “…my fair lady!”?  We would then plop into giggles onto the ground.  All was right with the world, even though we had no clue what this little ditty meant. (I still don’t)

This came to me, oddly, the other day when thinking about other kinds of bridges —the ones that get burned, either by people we love or by our own hand. These are the kind that don’t cause us to squeal in laughter.  These are the kind that come at great cost.

The world is pretty good at telling us that burning bridges is okay.  When we are done with someone, when we think that our happiness should be paramount, we strike a match and discard folks willy nilly.  Friendships, marriages, relationships of every kind have suffered at the altar of “hooray for me, to hell with you” syndrome.  It’s sad, really.  And regardless of which side of the bridge you’re on, when it falls, people get hurt. 

The story of the prodigal son, where a young man insists on his inheritance so that he can go off and see the world and partake of all it offered, is an easy representation of how, when we give into sin, casting off all prudence, we find that gluttony leads only to helplessness.  Bridges leading back to wellbeing are often so broken we feel they can never be mended.

I am astounded, in my own life, at the lengths that some will go to burn down all propriety of relationship or accountability.  As if people come with expiration dates, backs are turned and bridges brought down so that it’s clear that there is no way back.  People that should be cared for, respected, and honored, are discarded at whim for reasons that have nothing to do with righteousness.  When selfishness reigns, some will plow through life without conscience at the damage they do.  They hurt, not just to those they should love, but generations that will come after them.  Most of all, the damage done is to themselves. 

It makes you wonder… Is this how they want to be remembered?

When we love with condition, when we stop doing and being the people God calls us to be in relationship with others, we turn our back on Him as well as those who depend on us.

It’s a challenge to watch it unfold and not fear for what is coming.  It’s like watching a train wreck.  Those who skirt off the track, eager in their mindset to seek the world and their own mostly selfish desires because “anything goes” is so much more appealing than staying the course and doing what is right.  We all have names that fit this scheme, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives, family and friends, who lose their sense of direction because they believe the lie that “out there” is where real happiness lives. It’s a bridge to nowhere.

God teaches us that nothing in the world will fulfill us, will bring us peace, will bring us true joy without Him at the center.  The Holy Spirit guides us, keeping our feet on the right path, closing our ears to the drumbeat that calls us to temptation and to sin because He knows they only lead to death.  They hurt us.  They cause the bridges in our lives to fall.

Thankfully, God is like father of the prodigal son.  He watches for us on the horizon, believing not in the son that ran, but in the one he raised.  He celebrated when the broken young man came home — repenting of his sin and humbled at what he learned.  He knew that he had rejected a life he thought he no longer needed or wanted, only to find that his father never gave up on him to return.

Proverbs 24:16 tells us “though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.”  We can get off track, we can sin, we can burn a bridge and discard relationships with one another and with God, but He will always take us back.  

When we repent, when we seek Him after a season of running, or even doubting that He cares for us, God forgives us.  He will restore our hearts, our minds, our spirits.  He will rebuild our families and relationships.  They don’t always look the same as they did before.  But when we trust God to mend the broken parts in our lives, He will cross over with us to a new season.

My fair lady, hear me… I know the heartache that comes with broken roads and fallen relationships.  Whether you have been on the receiving end or were the one responsible for the demolition of it, bridges can be rebuilt when we start with the Architect of Life.  He’s waiting for you to ask Him, to hold hands with you and circle around your situation so that joy can return and you can clearly see your way up and over.  

It’s never too late to seek rebuilding a bridge.  Even when we do not know where it will lead, or how it will mend, we can always seek it in our prayers and our hearts and in our humility.  Sometimes, those we yearn to see on the other side of it are not the ones God chooses for us to be there waiting.  And sometimes, like the prodigal son, we will see them coming back to us when our own hearts are right.  Restoration is a road paved with forgiveness.

Life is filled with fallen bridges of every kind.  Do your best to follow God, trusting His ways. Do what you can, and leave the rest to His workmanship. 

Seek Him first in all things.  He rebuilds us from the inside out, and always for the better. 

In Search of a King

Repost by Request

I’ll admit it.  There are days when I feel I am merely coasting, trying to get by; downright uninspired by the things that I must do to keep my responsibilities and life humming along.  I think times like these happen to all of us on occasion. 

What is dangerous for me, is how easily I can get off track.  My mind and thoughts wander.  I get distracted in thinking that a little excitement would do me some good — I compare my circumstances against others and wonder at my predicaments, frustrated.

I fail to see that everyone has some sort of silent battle going on in their heads. Everyone. 

After arriving in the Promised Land, the people of Israel had a similar situation.  They were bored.  They looked around at all the other nations and envied them.  Instead of God, they wanted a man to lead them.  Going  to Samuel, they pleaded their case.  “Appoint a king to lead us, such as all the nations have.” 

Samuel warned the people that such a move would enslave them, not empower them.  But they persisted and Saul was made king.

When things are not happening fast enough, when in “God’s time” feels like an eternity, I search my thoughts and ways that I can perhaps hurry Him up a bit.  I contemplate how I can instigate a situation, influencing a response that will make my new season come faster.  Rather than letting God lead me, I look for a man who I think may want the job.  

What reigns, is only disappointment.

When we discount what God has given us, ready to trade it all for what’s behind another curtain, another door, we sin.   We bargain and negotiate with God, unsettled by our circumstances.   We focus on how our situations are imperfect, rather than seeing how He is working in them.

Certainly, God wants good things for us.  He wants to bless us, bless our relationships, to lift us up and grow us so that we may in turn give Him praise.  He wants for our lives to be a testimony to His Kingship, not the world’s.  

God knew that the Israelites were rejecting Him.  He knew that their  seeking a worldly king would take their eyes off what He wanted for them.  They were willing to make the trade.

When I wallow in my own lament, I find myself wishing for something that will fill what may be a temporary void in my life.  I might even question if God is fully aware of my difficulties, and think I need to do something to hasten Him responding to my plight.  

But this never works.  

God knows what is best for us.  When we turn from Him, we think that we are gaining the excitement of something new.  Instead, we become trapped by the very thing we think will bring us pleasure or happiness.  It is short-sighted and always leads to sin.  It always ends up harming us more than we can imagine. 

People who leave the path of righteousness, who intentionally hurt others through their selfish ways and decisions, who seek the world’s approval over God’s, find themselves becoming slaves to a master that will never be satisfied.  Though they yearn for something more, they exchange their souls for less. 

It’s okay that we feel from time to time as though life is not perfect.  It’s not.  

As with all things, bring it before Him, pouring out your expectations and desires.  Ask Him to open your eyes and reawaken the parts within that have fallen in unbelief.  He is leading you to better days. He wants for us exceedingly and abundantly more that we can hope for or imagine. 

God desires that we seek Him first in all things.  He is always listening.

He is our King.  

Factory Reset

We’ve all had it happen.  Things are humming along, you’re even having a good hair day, you are in the zone.… And then out of nowhere something happens to the technology that you depend on most.  Whether it’s your phone, PC or laptop, it crashes and you go into instant panic mode. It is shocking how life affecting it is.  Everything comes to a halt. 

Suddenly, you are in overdrive, scooping up your device and rushing it to whomever seems qualified to help, just as you would rush a loved one to the emergency room — well, almost.  All you want is it fixed and fixed now. 

This is not to bash technology.  Although it has enhanced, and distracted us, in ways that are complex and not a little controversial.  We rely on it to make our lives seemingly better, safer, and more efficient.  We can no longer imagine life without it. (When, for example, was the last time you left without your cellphone and didn’t turn right around to get it?)

It’s downright scary when you think of it.

When it crashes, we are faced with both a dilemma and opportunity.

There are things in life, real breathing things, that also crash.  These things also get malware, corruption of their operating systems, messages that pop up to warn us that something is wrong. Relationships, jobs, resources, health, and even our faith.  Sometimes these become compromised.  They break.  They need an upgrade. 

No matter how much we coddle, refresh, and find work arounds, eventually things that are unattended will crash and we must deal with them.  Never are these fun.

We need more than a reboot.  Sometimes we need a factory reset, a do over.  A fresh start. 

It’s easy to understand that when crashes come, we are instantly vulnerable.  We are are fearful because we don’t want to lose something, or someone, that is dear to us.  Pictures, memories, documents, covenants… These all represent the story of our lives.  They are a part of us and we want to protect them.

In the case of relationships, I believe our fear is in the loss of all our yesterdays.  We are programmed to believe that people will stay with us for forever.  How can we do without a person we have come to depend on?  Someone perhaps who you can hardly imagine your life without?

Or maybe you are forced out of a job that you have been at for years, have received a diagnosis that has an uncertain future, have had a tragedy strike your family that is challenging and even causing you to question God… The list of things we must endure can be with us for many long and difficult seasons. 

I may not be able to explain to someone how wifi works or what a gigabyte is.  But I can share what I have learned from my own time in the crash zone.  My answer would be to point them to the One who has gotten me through.  He has an owner’s manual that never goes out of date.  He has a way of knowing just what to do.  He’s the ultimate Genius.

When God takes us through a reset, the first step is usually to power us down, to humble us.  He will cause us to look deeply at the substance of who we are, what drives us, what are our priorities.  Sometimes we need to be removed from situations or people who no longer support us.  We may discover outdated ways, programming, that are in conflict with what He has for our futures.    

Breakdowns allow God to rebuild us with better components.  When we trust Him with the process, we can be reconfigured, redirected, reconnected to the right source.  He can make all things new.

When a crash comes, we often do lose something.  It costs us, and often this is more than we can ever imagine.  Sometimes this is brought upon us by our sin.  Other times, it will come in ways that have nothing to do with us at all, but God will turn it around for our good.

Our protection, our defender, comes in the Manufacturer.  We may never know why things have to crash.  All we can know is that He has us when they do.  

I wonder… Have you gone through a reset?  Has God walked you through something that has caused you to depend on Him rather than something or someone else?  We have all been there.

The crashing has a purpose buried deep within it.  He will restore all that is lost. 

He will get you up and running as good as new again and in ways you can hardly comprehend.

Just watch and see what God does.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

The Check-Out Aisle

Have you ever heard the suggestion that it is not good to go to the grocery store on an empty stomach?  The reason is, when we’re hungry, we end up buying things not on our list — filling our basket with an assortment of goods that we think will satisfy our appetites, and end up costing our pocketbooks more.  

I was thinking recently, how true this is in other ways, too.  This is not only a monetary issue, as it is a spiritual one.  

Hear me out.

You know how it is, you run into the store for just a few things, your arms or basket brimming with the things you know you needed, your mind focused on all that you still want to fit into your day once your errand is complete.  

You’re proud of yourself.  You made it past the cookie aisle without venturing in, even for a peek.  You didn’t dilly dally in the frozen desserts.  You might have scooped up an avocado or cantaloupe, and you give yourself kudos for your healthy choices as you find the shortest check-out line. 

And then it happens.  You are stuck there, waiting.  Your progress is stopped.  

It doesn’t help that as you look to your right, the magazines beckon you to scan the covers, all celebrating famously photo shopped bodies as they fall into or out of love.  There are award winners, reality stars, and one-hit wonders, all who have managed to attain fame, fortune, and lives that appear for the camera to have it all.  

If this is not enough, to your left, the candy bars, the convenience-sized containers of Pringles, or a new flavor of gummy bear scream at you, breaking you down.  You force yourself to look straight ahead, at the shoes of the customer in front of you, or at your phone.

All you want to do is check-out, get home, and get into your comfy clothes.

It’s a strange analogy, but honestly — this, to me, is such a microcosm of life.

Here you are, doing the right things.  You work, you care for your family, you stretch your dollars and keep the lights on.  You endure the things that come at you, challenge you, change you…. You choose to walk by faith, even though it is not always easy.  You are not perfect, but you know that you are living right.

The check-out aisle is like the world that wants you to compare your life to others.  If only you had a body like that.  If only you knew the right people, had a lucky break, a guy who would throw you a surprise, dream vacation like the one smiling on the cover with the perfect Hollywood tan and straight white teeth.

You look at your basket with your frozen pizza and dog food and think, “Wow, my life is so boring.” 

The discrepancy beats at you like a drum inside your head as you know outside in the parking lot, it’s not a limo that is waiting for you, but a mom car with an engine light on.  And, since you just got paid, you decide to soothe your ilk with a chocolate caramel something-or-other and  reach for it, giving it a nonchalant toss into your cart. 

What harm could a little taste do?  We all deserve a treat once in a while, right?

When our faith is hungry, we run into the danger of thinking we are not enough.  We think we are missing out, not doing something right.  We think things should be easier, we should have something - a gift, a look, a way about us that people will love us back.  

If we follow God, we should have fewer problems, heartaches, and cellulite.  We should be happy.  But that’s not how faith or life works.  

The tempter comes in all kinds of ways. He feeds us high-calorie thoughts of comparison and all the “fun” that others are having living life in the fast lane. But behind the facade of Anything Goes, people hunger for substance.  Think about that the next time you hear of some famed individual who has taken his life, is back in rehab, or wrecking his Porsche and arrested for DWI.  

The appetite for peace and true meaning can only be fulfilled in Him. 

God wants to fill us up by His spirit.  He celebrates us, blesses us, nourishing us in a prosperity of unconditional love and expectancy that He is working all things out for our good.  Yes, we fall sometimes.  We sin.  We may even stray.  But God is a good father who is always waiting for us with open arms.  He loves us back to life. 

It’s not easy sometimes to ignore what the world wants to feed us.  But we can know that if we seek Him, taking in the daily bite-sized nutriments of gratefulness, of humility, of grace, He will fortify us and grow our faith so that the temptation to sin is overcome by His mercy.   Our lives are richer in Him than anything the world could possibly offer.

God will not leave us unfulfilled.  He will fill our baskets to overflowing.  Trust Him, even in the check-out line.

Wishing Them Well

I’ve always tried to teach my kids to “Do the right thing.” Apologize. Be kind. Take into consideration another person’s feelings…. Do more than is required.  For the most part, I would say that I have succeeded well.  My kids are confident, compassionate, well-rounded young adults.  I am proud of them.

But these character traits are only what I would consider standard “good people” qualities.  They should be what everyone does.  Although we all know folks who seem to have no such internal guidance systems, we would like to think of them as the exception, not the rule.  There is good in everybody. 

But what about doing the right thing when we’ve been wronged?

We’re supposed to have grace, right?  I don’t mean the kind we extend when we are inconvenienced or when someone we love falls short somehow.  The kind I am talking about here is the everything-you’ve-got-in-you-kind-of-grace, when someone really lets you down — betrayed you, hurt you, demeaned you in some egregious way.  Then what…?   How do we dig deep and not act as our feelings say we should?

How do we not fight fire with fire?

I’ve had some experience in this long season I’ve been in.  It doesn’t take much for our imaginations to come up with a list.  We can rattle it off.  It shows in the lines of our faces that have weathered a storm or two.  These storms have names. I bet you have a few of them too. 

As a mom, I am always aware that I am being watched.  “I wonder what Mom is going to say when…”  Whether it is to notice my reaction, or simply to learn from it, I can’t help at times feel like I am on display.  There are awkward things we all go through, when company gets mixed with old wounds and fresh expectations.  When our past and present realities collide.  

I would like to think that I walk my talk.  I want for my kids, and others, to know that I practice what I preach.  God has a few things to say about turning the other cheek.  I know He wants for us to carry Him into every situation, so that we let Him have the floor, not us.  Even when it is difficult.  Even when it feels as though you would rather eat glass than be nice to someone who has not been kind to you — or worse, destroyed some part of your life, wellbeing, or happiness.  

What are we are supposed to do?

The truth is, God is always doing something in our midst.  He gives us grace so that we can give it to others.  Not that we — or they — deserve it.  But because He loves us.  He wants us to be free from bitterness and unforgiveness.  He wants us to know His healing, His peace, and be made ready our new season. 

And though it doesn’t seem logical, this often means going through some ugly stuff first.

It’s hard to pretend that we are exuberant when our emotions are in the mud.  It hard to be the bigger person, to wish someone well who has stomped on your heart.  It’s hard to hold your head high when you want to lose your lunch at just the thought of interacting with people who have maligned you, blamed you, spoken ill of you.  

How do we muddle through this?  How do we remember that even when we don’t want them to, people are watching how we handle such adverse situations.  In cases like this, actions speak louder than our words.  

I would like to offer something here that helps.  I would like to say that I have figured out a method that pushes you through these tough moments without feeling compromised or disingenuous.  The truth is, I only know what works for me.

I was blessed to have a grandmother who had the knack, the grace, the tenacity to do the hard things.  I watched her closely.  I can still sense her spirit in the way she would say and do things that always made it look easy.  She would say simple things that stuck.  Things like “Well, that’s just the proper thing to do…” As if there were no other options available.  For her, there weren’t.

God is always calling us to be more than we are.  He is calling us to be more like Him.  And like my grandmother, I have just come to expect that somehow I will muster the grit and dignity to do it.  Not perfectly.  But properly, none the less.

We can’t count on other folks to say and do the right things.  If that were the case, we wouldn’t get hurt.  Things wouldn’t be so doggone hard sometimes.  

That means that I can only count on Him.  I can only do what I can, and He will have to give me the grace and the determination to push through the rest.  He will defend me, raise me up again, sooth my wounds, place me on a higher ground.  That’s what this kind of grace does.

Believing this, frees me up to wish them well — those who could not find it within themselves to do the same for me. 

It’s not always easy, but it’s the way He wants us to be.  Next time you are faced with a tough moment, bless those that have hurt you.  And if no one else is watching, always remember that God is.  He will reward you in your obedience.

It’s just the proper thing to do.  

Wish them well.  

Better Days...

I have something of a mantra that I often say.  It’s not swanky or cute, it’s not original nor is it exceptionally inspiring.  But I say it a lot.  “Better days ahead!”  It’s a proclamation, a reminder of the promise that ‘This, too, shall pass.’ 

My ears, my heart, my spirit need to hear this.  And, for those to whom I say it, it is meant for the same purpose.  Whatever is seemingly difficult, we will get through it.  On the other side, wherever that is, we will be able to take a breath and all will be easier.  

Somehow, someday, someway…. Even if we cannot clearly define the coordinates in our heads, our hearts seem to know them.  ‘Better days’ are a destination where our struggles are not so wearisome.  We will know joy, harmony of our efforts, and peace.  Who cares what that looks like.  We just know we yearn for it.

The thing about going through a long season, is that we stop fully believing that better days really do exist.  Like air that slowly seeps from a balloon over time, we are less buoyant. Our struggles consume us to the degree that we are resigned to thinking that life is just always going to be this way.  We grieve the past as being our happy years, and believe our ho hum existence is all that awaits now.  We temper our expectations and our resolve…Best not get our hopes up.

We want to believe there is more for us, but what if our hope comes to nothing?  

The thing that I know about God, is that He is always at work.  He knows where He wants to take us and when we will get there.  Even when we feel we are aimlessly muddling through, He has plotted the coordinates of our new season.  Our faith, our trust in Him, ensures that we get there.

There is an analogy that I love, about the distance that it takes for a cruise ship to turn in the ocean.  Incrementally, and over a span of miles, slowly the turn is made.  Those that are aboard are unaware that they are drifting in a new direction.  Only the captain does.

I think that there is a danger we all face when we pray for breakthrough, a thunder strike answer to our struggles, our heartaches, our loneliness.  We think we are going to open our front door one morning and standing there will be Prince Charming, his arms filled with red roses and an invitation to the ball. Other people speak of moments when they meet someone special, get hired for the perfect job, or gain from an unexpected windfall.

Other people do…. But we dare to believe that they will for us. 

Although I know things happen like this, and have happened for me, I believe that God answers prayer more purposefully.  Sometimes, that means He’s got to take care of a few things first.  Maybe there are passengers aboard that need to disembark.  Maybe there are storms that require Him to reroute our course.  We can’t always know what the captain knows. All we can know is that we will get there and that it usually takes time.   We are being turned in the right direction, even when the waters feel choppy and we are uncertain.

He always knows what He’s doing.

We have to fight the tide of unbelief.  We have to stop listing in our heads all the reasons why things will never change or why, logically, we should should not expect more than what we have. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  What better way than to take from us our hope.  What better way than to steal our better days before they come. 

It is in the distance of the turning that He is working in us.  He is working on our patience, our endurance, our faith. He wants us ready so that when we arrive, we will know that we endured because He carried us.  Somehow, it will all make sense. 

He wants us to know that the journey had a purpose.

To be honest, I don’t fully understand why I feel so compelled to say so often that better days are ahead.  Whether it is a nervous quip, prophetic, or I am just a gal who likes the affirmation that saying it brings.  Whatever the reason, I sense that when I say it, it is Truth.  

God’s love and promises will bring us exactly where He intends for us.  Even when you feel you are drifting.  Even when you lose sight - and hope - that better days will truly come.  

Stay the course…. Keep your eyes on the horizon.  Know that He is bringing you there.  Even if your destination looks different than you imagined it should, He is the captain and He knows what lies ahead.  

Better days will come.

Square Pegs, Round Holes

I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when we give up on someone.  We don’t want to.  It’s in our nature to be loyal, to see the best in people, to love unconditionally.  These are people who, despite how they hurt us, we cherish who we thought they were, or see them differently than they really are. We hold on too long. 

Let’s face it.  Some people, no matter how much we love them, are unwilling to love us back.

Several years ago, I counseled with a pastor about my dad.  I needed advice.  I was beyond weary.  My dad was a good man at his core but deeply troubled from a lifetime of insecurities.  He was cloaked in self pity, and nearly every relationship he had was destroyed because he believed that he was the victim of the trouble he caused.  This paradigm ruled his heart, mind, and spirit, and the consequences were never-ending for the people who loved him most.

Oh, how I wanted to fix him.  

This seasoned, gentle man of God watched me and heard my heart as I choked on words that painted a picture of someone who had fallen short in nearly every capacity.  As a husband, father, grandfather…. As a man blessed in so many ways, my dad in essence was a failure.  And he knew it.   On and on, I poured out my woe.  I wanted, I guess, a miracle; a key to open up his heart and cause it to turn from stone back into flesh.  In short, I wanted him to suddenly become someone he never was.

Instead, my pastor looked at me, his head nodding, his eyes full of empathy, and said in the simplest words, “Mary, he can’t give what he doesn’t have.”

I was stunned.  

God is supposed to fix people.  He is supposed to cause them to rise up, see the error of their ways, repent, get their caboose back on the railroad track of life, make them straighten up and fly right.  Only that was not what this man of God was telling me.

We are supposed to love, right?  And if we just love enough, we can cause people to finally see us worthy to love us back.  It’s just not always how it works out.

Some people simply either stop, or never fully had, the ability to know how to reciprocate well. Because of trauma in their hearts, loving well becomes distorted like a fun house mirror.  It doesn’t matter what we say or do to prove otherwise.

This was easy to see in my father.  Knowing his childhood, his self esteem, his addictions… Still, I loved him.  We all did.

But what about others?  What about the friend, the husband, the sister, the neighbor… ?  What about the kid you have or know who, no matter what you have done to pour into them, they simply look at life, and us, differently than how we want for them?

I wish I knew.  

That day, speaking with the pastor, changed how I saw my dad.  I let him go.  It wasn’t that I stopped loving him; instead I stopped trying to fix him.  I saw him as the broken little boy in an old man’s body that he was. I could have compassion and still release him from expectations that he simply did not have the capacity to reach.

It freed me, and in some ways, him too.

My dad is just one example in my life. There are others.  I bet you also have a name or two.  Casual or intimate, friend or foe; we come at them with both barrels loaded because they stopped being who they should be.  They hurt us, deeply.  They wander away without remorse.  They reject us in big and little ways.

Sometimes, we just have to accept that some people truly are broken.  No matter how much we wish that things were different, we can’t make them love us.  We can’t shift their paradigms.  We can’t heal what is in their hearts.  We can’t make them see the consequences of their sin or the damage that they cause.

Only God can.

I have come to understand, that sometimes we just have to let them go. We have to stop trying to fit square pegs into round holes.  We have to love unconditionally, even when others choose to not live out their roles and value in our lives.  We have to have “ah ha” moments when we can see so very clearly that they can’t give what they don’t have, no matter how much we want them to.

It’s hard to see God in these seasons, but I assure you, He’s there.  He watches over us when our hearts are hurting.  He gently guides us onto a path that will lead us to better days, even when we can’t possibly see them yet.  He doesn’t leave us when others do.  He turns it all around for good.  

He does.  He will. 

Letting go is so very difficult.  But giving people over to God is the most compassionate thing we can do for them and for ourselves.  It frees us.  It unchains them so that He can do what only He can do.  

My friend, hear me… Love hurts.  We all know this.  But the kind of love that God will bring into our lives will come from people fully enabled to love us back.  We won’t have to prove anything to anyone.  When it comes, we will know that it was sent by Him and at just the right time to receive it.

Let go. 

God knows everything you are going through.  He gives us His all and it is always to the full. 

A Few Words for a Big Day

In a few days, my son will be married.  It’s a bit of fairy tale, with these two.  They’ve known each other since middle school Spanish class.  “Miguel” and “Dora” became buds.  Like hand in glove, they fit together. They are the stuff of story books and happily ever afters.  They make it all look so easy. 

My son, Cole, is a Worship leader and Savannah, his bride, is an elementary school teacher.  They are both wise and kind, passionate and faith-filled, handsome and beautiful… and oh, so very much in love.

It’s hard, in moments like this, to not say something… To not offer a blessing, a word, a benediction.  I have been praying, I think, for my future daughter-in-law since my son was born, cognizant that this day would one day come.  I am grateful to witness how God has anointed these two with a sturdy love, one that will withstand the storms, because they are rooted so deeply in Him.

Solomon wrote Proverbs so that he could hand down to his son, and for us all, the virtues of life.  He spoke of keeping our hearts faithful, eyes on Him, and to be wary of stepping off the path of righteousness.  How easily this can happen if our minds or our vision wanders; if we compare, if we stray.

In the few words I have here, I offer some heart-felt thoughts of a modern day mom.  I’ve learned a few things in my years, and I share them from a well, deep with love and some hard-earned experience.

These are things I wish someone had said to me when I was starting out in life ~

Pray together.  

Know that God will see you through every difficulty, big and small.

Offer grace generously, seeing the best in each other no matter what.

Love each other, deeply.

Forgive quickly.  

Say you’re sorry.

Acknowledge each other’s perspective, even when it’s hard to understand.  

Remember that words wound.  Choose them wisely.

No matter how old you get, don’t stop holding hands in parking lots or walking side by side.  Ever.

Honor your covenant daily — in all the big and little ways.  

Don’t let things fester… talk it out.

Laugh often.  It’s the little moments you remember most.

Never forget, that if you have each other, you have everything.

Share the burdens and the chores.

Protect each other’s confidences and trust.

If you think he or she won’t mind, you could be wrong.

Don’t take one another for granted.  

Little surprises are the sweetest.

It’s not about you — it’s about “us.”

Always have each other’s back.  Always.

Say “I love you,” when you hang up the phone or say goodnight. 

Never, ever give up on each other. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 says,  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  If you remember only this one Scripture, you will have the answers to most everything.

My heart is filled to overflowing. I am so very proud of my son and his wife.  They are blessed beyond measure, with family and friends who love them and are cheering them on.  They have have big hearts, big dreams, big love, and big faith.  

The big day is coming.  Hold on and and cherish every moment. 

The Best is Yet to Come.

The Rudder

I am not a sailor, and having a boat is nowhere on my radar.  Yet, I find myself in some choppy waters from time to time.  It’s not that I want to be here.  It’s just that I have a knack for landing in this precarious place and I have no one else to blame but myself.

It all has to do with that little organ in our mouths.  The one by which we speak, and eat, and whistle. It is by this that we get ourselves into conundrums of all kinds.  

Proverbs 18:21 says that “The tongue has the power of life and death…”  Boy oh boy, it sure does.

Like most people, I am a work in progress.  I think I do a fairly good job of keeping that little rudder on course.  I can steer pretty well in calm waters, but have an ill wind kick up, and how easily the slightest deviation — an unkind word spoken — can cause me to head right into a storm.

In short, I screw up and say things that I wish I could take back.  Can I get a witness?!

Have you ever been sea sick?  All you can do is focus on the horizon and count the seconds till you get back to shore.  Your stomach and head feel like they are swimming in a fog of anguish. 

It is the same kind of sickness we get when we hurt someone’s feelings.  It consumes you.  You want desperately to make it right, to get your relationship back on an even keel.  It’s not always so simple to do.

At times like these, I berate myself, “How could I be so stupid?” I wonder what would possess me to be unkind.  

If I were to let my ego do the answering, I could come up with a few explanations and reasons.  Perhaps this person has been insensitive or uncaring towards me.  There have been plenty of times where it is easy to justify my words or actions.

That’s when we throw our righteousness overboard.  That’s when we let the enemy rule our hearts and heads.  That’s when we open the portal to trouble.

What I know for sure, is that no matter what someone does to us, we have a choice.  Are we going to respond with a tit for tat mentally, enjoying the rush of having a momentary vindication?  Or, are we going to lower the sails, and let the moment pass, so that we don’t get off course.

Sometimes the damage caused by our tongues is irreparable.  It is that powerful. 

Recently,  I chose to go headlong into the wind of adversity with a person that I care about.  I could have measured my words, casting out only a line or two that would have sufficed.  Instead, out came a whopper of needless snark that did nothing to fix my situation.  I blew a hole in the bottom of my boat and I was sinking fast in a sea of regret.

By most standards, what I said seems pretty innocuous.  I know people would probably even cheer at my wittiness.  I bet I could have even gotten a few “amens” from the galley.   

The problem is, God is not “people.”  He’s God.  And what I did only widened the breach between two individuals who are stranded in an ocean of hurt feelings.  What I said caused shame, not peace.

Not only did I hurt someone that I love, but I’m the one who came out feeling gutted.

When we are frustrated, wounded, or depleted in some way, we are in the danger zone. This is where the enemy does his best work.  We want to get our points across.  We want our feelings to be taken into consideration.  When provoked,  we just don’t care that we wound someone else. 

We all float around in life with brokenness.

God would have us take a deep breath.  If counting to ten doesn’t work, consider how many times He has given us grace when we needed it.  How times we have been forgiven when we messed up.  How often He calls us to come to Him, to believe in Him, even to walk on water to reach Him so that He can show us His unconditional love. 

And that’s what we are supposed to do to others.  Even when it’s hard. 

When God is our lighthouse, he will keep us heading in the right direction.  If we keep our eyes on Him, we will choose His light to lead us through the storms we run into, no matter how big or small they are.

In my situation, the Lord convicted me.  I apologized to this individual by text (yes, even texting has a tongue.) And though I know it will take a little time, my repentance will steer us back into relationship and we will one day be sailing full-steam ahead again. 

Be careful with your tongue.  Say you’re sorry.  Be anchored in what you know He would have you say.  Have grace.

You’re going to mess up sometimes.  We all do.  But the right words spoken in love will turn your ship around. 

Speak life.

,

It's Not What it Seems

Have you ever been running late for a movie, quietly taking a seat in a theater after it has already started?  You don’t think you have missed much, but you spend the next several minutes trying to piece together the plot.  Although you are drawn into the story, you can’t have a solid grasp of what has transpired because, not knowing the beginning, causes you to make assumptions about the characters and how things unfold.

I wonder at times if people look at me, knowing perhaps my present circumstances, and think they know my whole story.  It’s simply not possible to know about a person’s beginning, how life has had its plot twists and turns.  And yet, so often we are the subject of assumptions that have nothing to do with how life will turn out.

It’s not anyone’s fault.  We all do it.

How often do we see people through a lens that we choose, in order to size-up the expectations we have of them.  We assign labels willy nilly, categorizing people by their situations so as to contrast them against our own —  Single mom, rich, divorced, cancer survivor, young, widow, alcoholic, bankrupt…. Our assessment is contained in snap shots, not full length features.   

The problem is, not only do we subconsciously do this to others, but we also do this to ourselves. We think that we are the summation of what we are going through.  We think that we are what is in our bank accounts, our struggles, our brokenness, our marital status. 

The older I get, the more I understand that there is always so much more to people and their stories than meets the eye.  I am taken, also, by how much time and energy we spend tying to prove this to the world — that we are good.  That we matter.  That our scenes have not always unfolded like we expected, but that we are still moving through them.

I am evolving from a season where everything I thought I was, had accomplished, or identified myself as, has been flipped.  Once a bustling house of six, the walls now sometimes creak and tick with a silence that can be deafening.  An empty nest is indeed an adjustment.  So isn’t being one-half of a whole.  It rankles the soul.  

Thankfully, I know that I am just in a season of Intermission.  God is setting up the stage for what comes next.  And though my character is well established, there is more about my life story that is being developed.

Rather than despair, I am learning that when we are vulnerable, that is when we best can hear God.  That is when He can say to us “I understand that you feel all alone, but you’re not.  There is so much more I am doing for you.”   

What I am trying to say, is that thankfully, God is always taking us somewhere.  He knows the plot twists and turns of our lives and He knows the labels we are sometimes given and give to ourselves.  He knows also that what the world sees, is not all that we are.

God wants us to see ourselves for what He sees in us.  We may be a sinner, but we are forgiven.  We may be broken, but in Him we are healed.  We may be lonely, but in Him we are loved.  We may yearn and need for things that are hard to define with words, but He is defining us with Purpose.  He is always calling us More.

God wants us to see the whole story. 

Although the beginning is important, it is the ending that He cares most about.  It’s in how we use what He’s given us.  It’s in how we love. It’s how we have trusted Him to bring us through the scary parts. It’s in expecting to see His hand in all the parts that we often think don’t matter, but come to realize that in everything, there is a connection to what comes next. 

It’s not what it seems. We are not our circumstances, our failures, our insufficiencies, our relationships.  We are His, and He knows our beginnings and how it all turns out. 

You may not think of yourself as a heroine.  You may have faced a few villains or had the drama of your life overtake you by unexpected twists or transitions.  If it seems that your story has taken on an impossible set-up for things to end well, hang on. 

Keep watching.  Keep believing. He wrote the script.

The ending is always good.

A Fragile Peace

I don’t know what is about Daylight Savings Time that can wreck such havoc with our minds and our internal clocks.  I mean, it’s only an hour; sixty minutes that we give up or take away so that we can psych ourselves into believing that the sun is staying higher in the sky just for us.  It’s an illusion that we fall for year after year.

Don’t get me wrong, I like coming home in daylight.  I like being able to go out in my yard after work and crank up my lawn mower if I need to, or get in more errands before the street lights come on.  It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished more in my day.  

But something about it just is not natural. 

For days after the adjustment, we have to tell ourselves that we should be hungry, sleepy, or ready to wake up, all at times that our bodies know we are lying to them.  Regardless what the clock says, we can’t fool mother nature.  There exists in this transition a conflict between what we know and what we must force upon our beings to believe.

I find the same is true with peace.  

It can be fragile sometimes.  It is subjected to setbacks and setting ahead of clocks that conflict with how our hearts and spirits say our times should be.  You know this if you’ve ever had a change of circumstance that was not something you’ve signed up for.  From health issues to job loss to broken relationships, and lots of life events in between, we are forced to go along and show the world that we have accepted them, when our deepest constitutions want not to.  

More than this, there is supposed to be all these hidden benefits to switching things up a bit.  We’re supposed to like having “extra time” in our days, like we are supposed to be glad to have new “opportunities” to start life all over again when something comes to reset us or our seasons.

I’ve had people ask me that grand, rhetorical question to which I only can stare back at them and nod with faux enthusiasm.  “You bet… it’s exciting to have a new beginning!” when my heart only wants a reset to what used to be.  I liked having my family whole, vibrant, and accounted for beneath my roof.  I liked knowing how many plates to set around my table at dinner, and knowing that there would always be a load of laundry to fold in my dryer.

But that’s just not the way things always turn out.  Kids grow up.  People fly the coup.  The laundry pile shrinks and can be gathered in one arm and carried up the stairs. Times are forced upon us and we must adjust. 

We have to get used to the darkness before dawn. 

I have come to understand that life is messy.  It follows a course that causes us to do all that we can to the best of our ability.  We navigate and work hard to keep everything and everyone progressing though it, with just the right amounts of love, faith, and discipline. The problem is, not everyone’s watch is set to the same time zone.  Some people get off before the ride is really over.  Alarms go off and we have to believe that there is a reason for it all.  

What I am saying is that regardless how we manipulate time, there is only One who controls it.  And all the stuff that happens to us in between sunrise and sunset, we must trust Him to lead us through it.  We must believe that, even when it’s hard, He is going to bring purpose and meaning to what is often seemingly senseless.  Our spirits are not always in-sync with what is happening to us, but if we look to Him and not to what others say we should do and be, we will find the sweet spot.  There will be the place where what we are going through intersects with where He is taking us.  

Our faith keeps us moving in the right direction.  By it, we can know that God works all things together for our good.  We can know that He will lead us to the right path, and that His timing is perfect.

For now, like you, I will muddle through.  It won’t be long and I will be able to stop telling my stomach that it really isn’t time to eat.  I will naturally wake up again without the use of my clock.  I won’t laugh under my breath at the confused looks of my two dogs when they wonder why their walks don’t line up with the sun the way they used to. 

It all comes full circle.  We adjust.  We carry on.  

Peace at times can feel so very fragile.  But through Him, we will find it.  

It's just a matter of time. 

Stepping Out...

I live in the South, where lately we have been inundated with rain. So much, that I think my back yard is turning into a swamp.  Seriously.  

I know that April showers bring May flowers.  But we have yet to push through March, and already things are popping up — daffodils and blossoms of every kind are budding.  It’s like Spring has sprung, but it’s more like a giant head-fake.  I’ve lived here long enough to know Winter still has a thing or two to say before this season is over.

It’s a lot like how I feel sometimes.

You know how it is when so much is happening around you?  There is all of this activity, people moving and shaking, going places and doing things, falling in and out of love… and you feel like you are stuck between Winter and Spring.  While others are making plans and making memories, you are looking out your window, content to be bundled in your comfy sweater.  You would rather stay put. Emotionally and physically, you just can’t seem to move.  

It’s hard to get outside yourself, when what you still feel is the chill of a season passed.  People watch you, curious to note when your joy will seep back into your spirit. But for you, it feels more like joy has been tucked away in the attic, right along with your Christmas decorations.  Boxed and contained, you’re not sure how to act; not sure what is stopping you from stepping out into your new season.  

You try to fake it til you make it, but even that gets old.  

All I am saying, is the gap between Winter and Spring is real. More than this, it doesn’t last just a few weeks or even months.  For some of us, it can be a few years before we poke our heads out of the dirt like crocuses.  It’s not how we want to be.  We don’t necessarily enjoy spending all our time thinking about what our new season will hold.  Like most people, getting out and feeling the sunshine warm upon our faces is exactly what we need.  We just don’t know how to get out of the gap.

Perhaps you can relate.  You have come through something, a transition, a life experience that has tested and tried you. Now, you are supposed to emerge all bloomy and colorful, and parts of you feel you aren’t ready yet.  You’re not a tulip, you’re a dandelion.  You think that if you get out there, people are going to see right through you and, with the first gust of wind, you’ll come undone.  

In Winter — that grueling, often bitter, cold season — we contract into ourselves.  We conserve our resources, doling out only meager portions of self-esteem and expectation, because we don’t want to draw attention to the fact that we are low in spirit. We watch life like we would a movie.  Somehow, it doesn’t seem real.  It’s for other people, and not ourselves.  We just don’t want to get our hopes up.  

I am coming to understand, that we all have seasons in the sun, and others when we are tucked safely under umbrellas waiting for our turn to step out again.  Each have their purpose; each teach us something.  We can’t have one without eventually having the other.  Sometimes, it feels like an eternity, to the point we question everything about where we are heading.  

I believe that God would have us know that He stands with us while we are waiting.  Here, in the humility of transition, we learn to listen more acutely for what He might be telling us.  He lifts our heads and reminds us that He is making a way for us.  “What I have for you is good,” He says.  “Don’t be afraid. Just take one step, and then another… follow Me.” 

God knows all our fears.  He wants for us to give them to Him.  He wants us to trust Him. He wants for us to see all that He is making new for us in our Spring.  

Step out of the gap and embrace your new season.  It’s okay if it’s still a bit chilly, and rain and wind beat against you a bit.  God knows what you’ve been through. He knows that it is scary. But the plans He has for you are to prosper you so that you will grow again in all that awaits you. 

Go ahead.  Step on out there…. You are a tulip, not a dandelion.  Be not afraid.  You are His. And you are beautiful.  

Running on Empty

Have you ever been so on “E” that you feared you would not make it to the nearest gas station?  You hold your breath, slowing down and coasting as much as possible, just to get there.  I had a sister-in-law who once hilariously said, “I’ve been so low on gas, that I even turned off my radio!”

What about when you are emotionally running on empty?  You feel like you are in the fight of your life and you have no idea why or how it happened. If only these tanks could be so easily refilled. 

If you are like me, you have been through a season or two when all that you thought defined you, was spent.   On every level, you have felt challenged to defend yourself, to fight for your resources of strength, of provision, of relationship, of even faith.  Perhaps even now, people you believed had your best interest, are distant.  You are coasting, but not sure where to find what you need to sustain the ride. 

It’s times like these that even a “glass half-full” person can feel more like your life is in a sieve, pouring out in every direction.  It’s impossible, it seems, to replenish what is needed to survive. It’s when we feel so depleted, so vacant, that we also are most vulnerable.

Psalm 121 says, “Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord.” And yet, we stand watching, waiting… and even He seems far away.  

I have come to understand that it is in being emptied that we are filled up again.  I don’t understand why it has to be this way.  It seems unnecessary to be so gutted.  And yet, if we walk by faith, we have to trust that God knows things we don’t.  He knows when there are things — people, situations — that are not as they should be.  And so He removes us from them. 

Never is this fun. 

When we are so humbled that it’s hard to orient where we are from what used to be “normal,” we are forced to unclench our fists. The fight seeps out of us, our gaze drops.  We give up. We feel empty.

And that’s when it happens.  “Ok God, you win.”

I am learning that there is very little that we can do in these times.  It does no good to try and convince someone to see our side, to love us, to be loyal or faithful when their hearts are no longer with us. We can’t make a friend or loved one come back into relationship, or co-worker see our value, when they have cast us aside with their judgment or opinions.  All we can do is bless them and move on (easier said than done, to be sure.)  But I believe that is what we are supposed to do.

The fight, is futile.  And more than this, the fight is not ours.  All we can do is ask the Lord to fill us with His grace; with what is right, and true, kind, and loving.  Sometimes, it’s just being able to stand, to get through one moment to the next. It can take all we have just to hold our tongues and ask God to stem the tide of bitterness and offense.  

It’s accepting that we are on “E” and that somehow, somewhere down the road, we will be restored.  It’s going with it, hard as it is. 

When I get to this place, I am able to take deeper breaths.  I am able to know that He is working things out for me.  I can let go — if just for a moment at the time  — of hurts that come to take away my peace… I can be emptied because I know He has more for me, even when I can’t see it yet. 

It’s here that I remind myself to let God do things His way.

Nobody likes the feeling of being emptied.  It’s a lonely here.  It requires stamina you didn’t know you had, and a restraint to not go rogue when we really only want people to validate that we have worth, that we mean something to them. 

And that’s when God will whisper to keep our eyes on Him. “It’s just up ahead a little farther.  Stay on this road, and you will see.” 

All of this, is the lesson of “E.”  When we feel empty, we might not understand it. But He does. He loves us.  And He will fill us with whatever we need to get to where it is we need to go. The trip, He promises, will bring us to better.

Keep your radio on and sing.  You’ll get there

From Out of the Blue

Did you ever notice how you can go along, thinking life is going pretty well. Your ends are somehow meeting, your friends call, your dogs don’t bark… Life is good.  Not perfect, but good.

And then, from out of nowhere, a blue streak will hit.  You can’t explain it.  It’s just a blah feeling that seems immovable in your being.  Nothing is wrong, but you aren’t exactly hitting the high notes while singing in shower, either.  You can’t seem to step out of the grayness, as if you are in a fog. 

What gives?  

I am amazed at the sensitivities that God has given to our spirits.  I find that when I go quiet, deep inside my cave, there is a reason.  Sometimes, it’s just to give myself a good talking to — the old “Where’s your faith?  Why do you worry so much?”  Other times, though, it is that I need to hear something. 

The truth is, we are all susceptible to feeling discouraged from time to time.  It’s easy for someone to say “It’s all going to be okay.” But when you’re on your own, it’s late at night and you’re staring at the ceiling, it’s hard at times to believe it.  I truly get that.

What I am learning though, is this is exactly when we need to pay attention the most.  We get distracted, listening to the noise inside our heads that goes over all the reasons why something is difficult, or wrong, or unfair.  We do our little comparisons and wonder how we can change our circumstances. Like sticky tape, our thoughts get caught in a vicious cycle. Our dispositions get so clouded with “what ifs” and “if onlys.” It’s draining. 

None of this is productive.  Once more, God isn’t in this kind of thinking.

When the blue streak hits, I am getting better at saying, “Okay Lord, I’m listening… What is it?  What am I missing?”  This comes after many seasons of doing things the hard way.  Of too many sleepless nights filled with lament, tossing and turning.  Now, hard though it is, I force myself to stop — to interrupt the circus inside my mind, and listen for what He might tell me.

It doesn’t come in Greek or Latin.  It won’t come in a demonstrative way, like a voice booming in the darkness.  It comes quietly, etched across my conscience… “Give it to Me.”

And I do.  

Sometimes, it’s a burden or concern that I am carrying for someone I love.  Or maybe a regret, a longing, a grieving, a needed resource, a healing, a careless word spoken… Whatever it is, with eyes closed, I imagine placing that very thing into the Lord’s outstretched hands. It is so powerful, so calming; a peace comes over me, and sleep returns.

I don’t mean to sound like I’ve got this all figured out.  I don’t.  There are some burdens that are so heavy, wrenching our spirits so greatly, that we are overcome.  I’ve been here many times. But big or small, God’s response to us is the same.  “You know you can’t do this on your own.  Lean on me.  I know what to do.”

I often need to be reminded that He’s in this life with me, guiding me. I think that is why He drags me into this quiet place, so that He can stop the spinning that comes with trying to figure things out that are completely out of my control.  It’s as if He’s watching me, arms folded, a smile on His face… “Are you through?  My turn… “ 

And then commences a knowing, an understanding, that I don’t have to have all the answers. I just need to have faith.  

Does this mean we do nothing and wait on God?  No, and yes.  It means doing all we can within our power to be accountable, do what is in our ability to do, and then trusting Him with the outcome.  Sometimes, an idea, a strategy, a different way of approaching a problem will come to me — and I absolutely know it was divinely given.  Other times, things just have a way of working out that have nothing to do with me at all. 

What is on your heart today that burdens your spirit?  Imagine the Lord before you, His hands open, inviting you to place it there.  

He wants for you to go about your life knowing He’s got it covered.  

That ol’ blue streak is going to still come from time to time.  The dogs are gonna bark.  You may not care to sing in the shower some days.  But God will always be with you. Listen for His voice.

“Give it to Me.” 

Room With a View

I recently heard the story of a couple that I know who went to celebrate their anniversary at an expensive hotel.  Along with the room, they also had reservations at a five-star restaurant and all the bells, whistles, and roses to go with it.  They were so happy when they checked-in. Their room was overlooking a beautiful pool and lounge area, with elegant umbrellas and cabanas, surrounded by palm trees.  It looked regal, like paradise, exquisite in every way.  

Until night fell.

It’s funny how things can take a turn.  Something so lovely and enticing from one perspective, can so quickly reveal itself to be quite the opposite from another.  Such was the case for my friends, who learned that a Saturday night at nice hotel overlooking the pool could bring out all the noise and gallantry of a frat party after finals.  They were not amused.

This got me thinking how sometimes even our best intentions can lead to disappointment.  Things just don’t turn out as we hope.  What we envision for our lives and circumstances, don’t necessarily pan out to look like we imagined.  Even when we are good, faithful, loving people, where we end up is not how we started.  It’s happened in my own life, and I’m sure you can relate on some level in yours. 

How much worse is it for someone who willingly dives into the pool of sin, thinking they will come out unscathed?  That everything will be just like they planned.  They go into situations with their eyes wide-open thinking they’ve got it all figured out.

It simply never is what they thought they made reservations for.  

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  He’s good at it. He is always out prowling, looking for willing participants to give a tour of Eden to.  Temptation comes in all kinds of beautiful packaging that we think can’t possibly harm us.  Look at that tree! How delectable that fruit looks!  

They don’t see the trap that comes disguised like a lounge chair, inviting them to sit a spell.

Folks will come up with all kinds of excuses to justify their reasons for sinning… It’s my life! I’m not hurting anyone!  I deserve a little fun!  No one can tell me what to do!  On the surface, it sounds almost reasonable.  They just don’t understand that everything has a consequence.  Everything.  

It’s been said, that sin will take you farther than you want to go, and cost you more than you will want to pay.  You can’t undo the hurt it causes.  You can’t get back what you’ve given away.  You can’t un-bite the apple.  

I’ve lived long enough to know people who have traded their lives, and all they have worked for, in a rush of adrenaline at what the enemy dangled before of their eyes.  It all looked so comfy, so exotic, so satisfying.  Caviar! Fine wine! Shagging on the beach!  What a life!  

Until one day, the music stops, and everyone that they once loved is no longer around. I can’t imagine a sadder scenario.  And yet, it happens all the time. 

My point is, things are not always what they seem.  We have to be diligent in weighing carefully what life sometimes offers by way of opportunities and and seemingly innocent people who can lead us into territories like a pied piper.  We have to listen to our intuition and pay attention to what the Holy Spirit may be saying when we stray a little too far from where we should be.  

Keeping our eyes on God protects us, not just from the normal disappointments in life, but also from troubles that we don’t always realize we are vulnerable to find.  He gives us boundaries. He gives us faithfulness, integrity, and common sense to size up a situation before we dip our toe into the shallow end of the pool. The Holy Spirit will lead us away from temptation and cause us to see sin for what it really is.  It’s the destroyer of lives, of marriages, of families.  

When we sin, our check-out view is never the same as when we checked-in.   We are changed forever in little and big ways, and sometimes for generations. 

My friends ended up having a fabulous time, just the same.  They realized that at a certain time, the pool would close and the quiet and tranquility would return.  All was well. 

I pray that what you seek, you will find in God.  He wants for us to enjoy our lives, to appreciate our blessings, and to be satisfied in knowing that He has good things for us even in the midst of frustrations and disappointments.

Things don’t always happen perfectly like you think they will.  But with God, they will always turn out for the best.  

Hang in there. Enjoy the view.

Pick a Side

There’s an old song that pops into my head sometimes — you know how it is. In the shower or in the check-out line, you find yourself transformed like a karaoke queen inside your own noggin.   The weird thing is, I don’t know why this song sticks like it does. 

I wouldn’t say that I was a Bob Dylan fan.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s written amazing music and he’s definitely an icon of his era.  But there is one song of his that is so poetically beautiful, that I just love it.  It’s hook goes like this —  “It may be the devil, or it may be the Lord, but you’re gonna have to serve somebody.”

It’s brilliant.  It’s simple.  It’s truth.  If you knew nothing else in life, and only applied that one nugget to everything you think, do, and say, you would come out way ahead of the game. It’s reasonable. it’s sound.

The world, on the other hand, wants to make things so complicated. It is always muddying the waters. It seems to suggest that things are not so cut and dry, as if we can serve two masters.  It tells us that sin is okay, as long as it makes us “happy.”  It gets us out of having to be accountable for certain things when it’s not convenient or fun, or when we’ve just had enough of being a good parent or spouse or friend. The ends will always justify the means, right?

They don’t.

The world cares little that it may be in opposition to what God says.  It deems for us what is right and wrong, and what we can and cannot be offended by.  As if we need its permission to pray, stand for the Anthem, or befriend someone from a different side of the aisle, race, or religion. 

Everything is inside out and upside down.  For instance, why is harming a puppy considered cruelty (it is) but killing a baby late in term is a “right” (it’s not).  I just don’t understand it. 

If all of that is too hard to consider, how about something a little less dramatic …Like keeping your word or a confidence, gossiping about a friend, or simply caring enough to be on time when someone is waiting for you? 

The Bible says “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much”  Luke 16:10

In my own life, I know and love people who buy into thinking that if they are mostly faithful, honest, and don’t steal anything of value, that they are covered.  “It’s not a big deal,” they might say.  

Whether you believe the Word, or just Bob Dylan, you have to pick a side.  You can’t be one person some of the time, and another person only when it’s convenient.  There is a saying that says “Character is who you are when no one is looking.”

I’m not writing this to make anyone uncomfortable, including myself.  It’s just that I get so doggone tired of hypocrisy.  Why is something not okay for one person, but we are supposed to consider the context of their experience when someone else does it?  

The truth is, we are not stupid.  We don’t need to be told right from wrong, we know it intrinsically.  We don’t need social media to “trend” when it’s all good to tear down someone because of their beliefs, but hold up someone else for theirs.  In the infamous words of Rodney King, can’t we all just get along?

God’s ways are simple.  Brilliant. True. He wrote them down for us so that there would be no confusion. He even gave us the Holy Spirit to guide us, to nudge us onto the right path, to convict our hearts when we don’t choose well.

The virtues of respect, faithfulness, honesty, protection, and kindness are for our good.  They keep us ordered so that we don’t always have to go around measuring different shades of gray.  Standing in love, honoring wholeheartedly our covenants and the people God gives to us, even in the face of difficulties and differences, are the substance of a life well-lived.  They are the building blocks of legacy.  They say what side you stood for.

I may not always get things right.  I can be a bit hard-headed.  I vacillate sometimes in my degrees of effort, in eating right, or keeping my house tidy.  I’m not a perfect Proverbs 31 woman. But I apologize when I’m wrong, I’ve raised my kids with consciences, I don’t give up easily, and I own up to my mistakes. 

And when I fall, and I often do, I can always come to the Father and know that He will love me anyway.  He will wash me clean.  He will lift up my chin and say, “Let’s try this again, shall we?  This time, follow Me.” 

Life is hard enough.  I don’t want to pick the wrong side.  I’m gonna have to serve somebody.  We all are.  

I want it to be Him.  

Asking for a Friend

I know so many women who have been through the war of broken hearts.  More and more, I have the privilege of them contacting me, and I am in awe. I am learning that there is a universal ache.  It comes summed up in a small batch of phrases, handed out like flowers from a withered bouquet.  These words, though common, come from deep within a weary countenance.  

It’s been two years.  We’ve got kids. I’ve done all I could.  He doesn’t even care… 

The words try their best to explain, but it’s not until you look into a woman’s eyes, when you see them brimming with held back tears, that you get a sense of what she is really dealing with — a shattered spirit.

If life isn’t hard enough, there are people who should know better but are so quick to render judgement. Yes, it’s true.  Some of us have hearts that may be a bit stuck in yesterday, but we’re trying.  We’re up and moving; we’re focused on doing all we can to right our ships, to mend our fences, to keep our wits, and steady our progress.

“Just move on,” rolls so easily off of tongues that, although well-meaning, come like daggers jabbed at the most inopportune times. 

Exactly how does one do that?  It’s a serious question.

For every woman I know who is in a storm, there is a heaviness that, unless you’ve walked in her shoes, you cannot fathom.  Does she want to always feel like there is a white elephant in every room she walks in?  Does she like that she must contend with consequences that come in waves of financial, emotional, and relational difficulties that are a result not of her doing?

The answer is unequivocally, no.

Moving on is great.  I whole-heartedly support it.  It’s a badge that we all want to sew upon our vest that says we’ve achieved that status whereby things aren’t supposed to bother us anymore.  We can throw our hats up to the wind and show how independent we’ve become. Or, maybe we have someone new to hold our hands and protect our interests. 

It just doesn’t happen as easily as it sounds.  

Most of us have only a handful of true friends, our faith, and our determined will to keep moving forward despite the arrows lobbed in our direction that suggest we are not moving fast enough. 

What I know for sure, is that God knows where we are at.  He somehow endows us with the stamina to keep our chins up and our mascara from not running.  He promises that He is going to make all things new, even our hearts.  And, when others are impatient with our progress, He doesn’t mind when our prayers recite the same plea over and over again — Heal me, Lord.  Please heal me. 

My point is, moving on is a process.  It’s not an arbitrary date we must hit.  It’s not a simple matter of taking off a ring or opening a new bank account.  It’s a matter of getting through all the “firsts,” sometimes the “seconds,” and even the “thirds”… It’s learning to mow our own lawn and put oil in our car.  It’s painting and purging and pushing our bed against a wall so that we wake up in a different spot than we used to with him.  It’s learning how to smile through some gut wrenching moments when we would rather crawl into a ball than strike a pose and pretend that we are fine.  It’s robbing Peter to pay Paul, while still making sure that our kids have everything they need.  

Thankfully, God is close to the brokenhearted.  He whispers to us that He will provide when we don’t know where else it is going to come from.  He doesn’t mind that we get bogged down, that we stare a little too long at men who take their wives’ hands while they walk in the mall.  He hears us when we plead for our hearts to stop twisting inside our chests when we hear a certain someone’s name.

And He loves us when it often feels like no one else does.

He tells us we are beautiful, that we are His, and that He chooses us. He is taking us to a new season where this will all be behind us, and we are renewed and restored because we did not give up.

I wish I could tell all of this to those who think that moving on is so easy.  

God will use everything we have been through for His purpose.  And one day, when someone asks, “How’d you do it?”   we will point, not to the destination, but to the One who brought us to it.

He’s got you, friend.  And though I do not know how long it will take, know that you will get where you need to be all in His time. 

We’re on this journey together.  One day, we will reach whatever it is that “moving on” is supposed to look like.  And, if you get there before the rest of us, please let us how it’s done.

I’m asking for a friend. 

What Our Hearts Don't Know

I was lamenting to a friend the other day about how frustrating it is that sometimes my heart and my head are not in sync.  I know this is true for many of us.  We can understand certain things logically or intellectually, but when it comes to our emotional response, we are out of balance.  I’m not sure at times if my heart should listen to my head, or vise versa.

Such is the case when relationships end.

Why is it that some things — some people — are so hard to let go when there is a ton of evidence to support that they do not have our best interest? That they no longer love us?  Co-workers or co-habitants, friends or family, it seems we get stuck in a place where we want only to consider the good.  We remember the happy times, the history of what they once meant to us, rather than who they have become.  Letting go seems impossible.

I’ve come to understand that, just like our heads, our hearts have a memory.  When we love someone, our hearts become fused together emotionally; we have soul ties that bind us to another in spiritual and even physical ways.  You simply cannot imagine your life detached from theirs.  Even when their actions no longer deserve it, the bond is so strong that it requires great effort to be released. 

I was thinking of when I was in elementary school and learning about magnets.  Do you remember?  You learned that magnets of opposite polarization attract each other and come together, bound tightly and secure.  Like magic, they remain this way until someone, or something, pries them apart.

Relationships, healthy ones, have similar properties.  Two people are drawn together, each with their differences, but by those differences they fuse a bond. If they are pure in their intentions, and all the right dynamics are in play, they let nothing come between them.  The bond remains strong.  When there is difficulty or hardship, it is their natural tendency to work it out, and become even stronger.

What separates us from another is always sin. These are powerful forces.  Rather than attracting, the opposite occurs. Unfaithfulness, dishonesty, disrespect… all create chaos that forces one to push against the other.  No matter how hard we try, just like putting two magnets together of the same polarization, they repel.

This is, I think, part of our problem when we try to reconcile our hearts with our heads.  Our heart memory is so strong, that it seeks to bring that person close again just to feel “normal.” No matter how fragmented or dysfunctional a relationship has become, our hearts know only how to love and are in perpetual motion to relink, to forgive, to try again.

Our heads, however, are one step ahead.  They know what our hearts have not yet understood.  They see the broken pieces, the broken trust, the toxic destructiveness, and put it all in some semblance of perspective. 

How do you tell your heart to stop remembering?  How do you weaken it’s desire to attract to someone who is no longer good for you? I don’t think that you can.  I think that is why “letting go” takes so dog gone long.  

All I do know, is that I do not have the power to do anything like this on my own.  I have learned that things like this can only be accomplished when I give them to God.  By laying them at His feet, by trusting Him to diffuse the longings of my heart, by knowing that He is going to lead me out of the pit of despair.  Then, I can carry on.  I can take that next step.  I can focus on what is in front of me, and not on tomorrow or next week or next year.

I do not know how long it takes for our hearts and heads to get in sync.  I am told that one day — just like that — you stop fighting for people who no longer exist as you once remembered them.  Your heart finally has de-polarized itself from the bond, and it becomes ready to accept what comes next.  

What I know for sure, is that we can’t speed it up.  It has to take its course.  It has to come to it’s own reckoning and let what our heads have been telling it to take hold.  

God does not want for us people who do not love us back.  He does not want us treated with disrespect.  He does not want for us to be dishonored or abused.  That’s not what love does. That’s not what our hearts were created for.

God is working constantly in our situations.  He is healing us, nudging us forward, causing us to lift our heads and see that He really does have better for us.  We have to trust Him.  We have to.

It is my prayer for you, as it is for myself, that your head and your heart will be in sync. That you will see God bringing into your life all that is healing, all that is good, all that is for your benefit.  

Whatever burdens your heart, know that God is working it out.  Be kind to yourself and be patient.  It will come.

When it Doesn't End

There are storms that come like a hurricane — we brace for them, preparing as best we can for their arrival.  We hunker down as parts of us, our lives, our families, and our relationships, get tossed about, pulled apart and reoriented.  When it’s over, we assess the damage.  We pick up the pieces.  We set about reassembling what is left.

But what happens when an ill wind remains?  What happens when the waves roll back in from time to time to mess up the tidiness of the shore that you have managed to once again make presentable?  You realize that your emotions are like sand.  How easily we can get knocked down again.

Proverbs 24:16 says “For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.”  Here’s to number eight.

It’s hard, when we are broken, to understand that there are certain things we just cannot be protected from.  No matter how hard we try.  No matter how much we board up those parts of ourselves that are the most vulnerable.  No matter how much milk, bread, and eggs we buy, there is sustenance we need that cannot be found in an empty grocery aisle. 

Those waves are going to come back around and we are going to feel as if it’s us against the world.  

For me, it’s like being cornered in a harbor — I know it’s coming but there is nothing I can do to escape it.  Names are called, disparagement is made of my heart, my failures, my intentions, and all come lobbed like torpedos.  There is nowhere to swim out of harms way.  It just comes.  It always comes.

I have a favorite word — buoy.  I use it a lot.  It is what we look for when we are floundering out there in a storm. We hold onto to it, knowing that it will steady us when the waters are rough.  As long we have it in our grip, we won’t go under.  

Faith is our buoy.  Even when the onslaught of waves hit, we can know that God has us.  He doesn’t choose to calm the storm, rather He puts us out in it so that we are fashioned with a steely resolve to remain strong in our core.  He wants us to not compromise our integrity, our values, our righteousness.  He wants us to weather our trials so that when clear skies come, we will emerge steadfast in our new purpose.  He will always use what we have been through for our good. 

All I know, is that God never said this life would be easy.  He does, however, promise that in all things He will work it out so that we are made whole, better, wiser.  We just have to keep getting up again, even when we’re weary. 

My friend, you may be in a season right now where you feel it is all you can do to just breathe.  Lift up your head.  Scan the horizon and know that the devastation you are feeling will not last.  Even when you cannot yet see a break in the clouds, know that one is coming.  Let what burdens you not seep into your soul.  Let it run off of you like a rain slick.  

You are tougher, stronger, and more resilient than you think.  You will get up again, and when you do, you will see more clearly what is before you.  You will seize the day.  You will find that in the aftermath, when the remnants of the storm are finally out to sea, that you are given a great gift. 

You will know who you are and you will know Who’s you are.

No matter how battered you feel, know that it will pass.  God has His eye on you at all times.  You won’t go under.  You won’t.  

Stand up, girl.  Shake it off.  Don’t ever give up in knowing that you deserve to be loved, cherished, and respected.  You will thrive again, and one day your burdened heart will heal.

Even when it feels like your storm never seems to end.  It will. Wait for it.  It’s coming.